I sat in the doctor’s waiting room after our miscarriage in 2013. Despite all the social media in the world, I wasn’t interested in looking at my phone. I believe at that time, God put a question on my heart that I kept thinking about and couldn’t shake. “Is Christ enough?” It began as a thought, “What if I never get pregnant again, is Christ enough?” Each question would illicit a reasonable answer in my mind, “Oh, we can just adopt.” And it trickled down as I kept asking if Christ was enough if the future held no more pregnancies, no adoptions, no more kids, loss of spouse or kids. Down to the very end of it all: if nothing in life goes “according to plan” and there are no more “blessings”, would Christ be enough? And then my name was called by the nurse. Questions ended but the thought was permanently engraved.
A peace about having only one child settled into my heart. As the next year rolled by with no pregnancies, I casually began looking at adoption. The realistic conversations were had about the possibility of financing an adoption and how long the wait would actually be. It wasn’t very promising. One day, Evelyn was watching Frozen for the thousandth time and I quietly said a prayer, “Lord, give her a sibling.” On April Fool’s Day, the greatest “not joke” happened. We were pregnant. The weeks that followed were strange feeling. There was very little ability for me to hope or get attached to the idea that we might have a child. Days turned into weeks, weeks into trimesters, and on November 30th we welcomed Otto to the family.
Most people would look at our boy and girl child and say that our family was “complete”. We felt very happy and thankful to have two kids. Otto was a very needy baby and took a lot of attention and constant holding (by a select few people). He would prove to be very difficult for the first year until finally God granted us relief and he “flipped a switch” and began sleeping through the night.
The next year and a half flew by as we began going on vacations and easily navigated a grocery store with both kids. It was so simple. I can’t help but look back and sometimes grieve the ease of life back then. We still didn’t agree with everyone about the complete family. One or two more we thought. We figured it it couldn’t get any harder than Evelyn and Otto. How wrong we were.